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Being bullied can shape who we become and how much we achieve in life.
Research indicates about 1 in 4 children get bullied. Verbal bullying is most common, followed by physical. Whether or not your child get's bullied or becomes a 'bully' is still very much down to the environment in which children are raised.
Factors that may make children more likely to get bullied, include:
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children with low self esteem or confidence
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appearances e.g. being overweight, wear glasses, be tall with skinny legs
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background such as race, socioeconomic factors
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academic achievement (being a high achiever, a nerd or 'dumb')
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resisting pressure to conform
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sexual preferences or behaviour
- being the 'new kid' at school.
WA author Marika Spaseska, has offered the following key tips for parents to bully-proof their children in her lastest book ‘The Cardboard Girl' :
- Develop and sustain positive, core values - have respect for yourself, your children and others. It is vital that children know what is acceptable, know their boundaries and values. For example, it is NOT okay to exclude others from being friends; it's not okay to put others down, etc.).
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Teach kids to care. Encourage kids to show they understand and care for others when they're upset or having a hard time. You want your kids to grow up to understand children's emotions, feelings, their fears, wishes and dreams.
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Encourage your children to develop outside, strong relationships and social and physical activities so that they have a life outside of school. Exercise may make kids feel better, too. Support them to make friends outside of school, create time for them, invite them home or to outings. By doing this they are not solely relying on friends at school.
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Break down gender roles - girls are expected to be nice and pretty and boys to be manly, rough and outgoing. If you don't conform to this stereotype you can be picked on or put-down. Children can be whoever they want to be. They need to value themselves and not be judgmental of what others do or look like or if they stray from these norms.
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Encourage kids to open up about their worries, to talk about things that upset them. By talking about what is happening to someone, be it family, friends, teacher or a counsellor - they will reduce their stress and anxiety levels. There is evidence to suggest that confident children who feel supported by their families and friends are better able to cope with bullying and other pitfalls.
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Raise kids with consistent limits at home. Don't give in when kids persist. No is no, you need to enforce what you say you will do.
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Encourage appropriate sibling-to-sibling behaviour. Sibling rivalry does exist, but you need to show fair behaviour for both or more kids.
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Empower children to take some control themselves over their behaviour (their mood/temper). This will make your life a bit easier and they will feel better, too, if they can learn to better deal with their frustrations. For example, skills they need to learn when frustrated include: walk away, time alone, time out, writing thoughts down, playing or doing something else and talking to someone about what is going on for them. Do not support aggressive behaviour nor conduct yourself in this manner, as children learn directly from parents and others closest to them. Praise them for good behaviour.
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Have discussions early with your children about what is bullying and what they can do to stop it. You want to teach your child that if faced with bullying, that they can speak up: tell the kid who is bullying them to stop hurting them or others and that this is unfair. You want your child to be able to tell the 'bully' that what they are saying is nasty and hurtful and that they have no right to speak to them like that. Inspire your children: it's ok to stand up for themselves.
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Teach your kids not to watch and be a bystander to bullying. Tell them that if they stay, it may encourage someone who bullies. Support your kids to be able to tell the person who bullies to stop or urge the other child who is being bullied to walk away with them.
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Don't allow children to watch violent TV or participate in violent video games.
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Never lose your sense of humour and fun times with children. Urge your children to believe that life gets better - there's a whole world waiting for them outside the school gates.
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Encourage your children to talk about what is happening to them by phone, in writing or online on government sites (eg. Department of Education)- express what they think they can do to make things better for them at school.
If you need to speak to a counselor, call Lifeline, who provides 24-hour telephone counselling services with the national number 13 11 14 for the cost of local call.
About ‘The Cardboard Girl'
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The book aims to empower kids, as well as give parents, teachers and others better insight into bullying and what can be done to stop or minimize it.
The story involves a hero, Cora, who takes children into a world that may feel strange, but exciting. She wears a cardboard outfit and uses her magical cubby house and special powers to make a difference in children's lives. Cora helps the victim find her wings to deal with those who are bullying her.
For more information, visit http://thecardboardgirl.com/book.html
RRP: book – $19.99; ebook – $16.99
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About Marika Spaseska
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Marika Spaseska is a WA author and a 17-year veteran in the field of social work. Moved into action by her niece’s experiences with bullying in school, Spaseska wrote ‘The Cardboard Girl: Gives Bullying the Flick’ (released April 2011).
She is passionate about children’s wellbeing and hopes to empower them. This experienced guest has been featured on Channel 7, The West Australian, The Sunday Times, as well as in 40+ American media sites, including ABC news and CBS!
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